By Pastor Mark Quick
I recently enjoyed a very lively and fun Bible study with the youth of our church. We discussed what constitutes appropriate physical contact with someone we are not married to. Scripture commends to us a life of virtue, honor and self-control and warns us that sexual immorality separates us from God.
First, let’s consider a foundation Scripture, found in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, wherein Paul writes:
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God …”
Sanctification in this instance has to do with setting our bodies apart to the glory of God. This involves abstaining from “sexual immorality,” which we may easily define as any sex that is outside of the God-ordained institution of covenant marriage. It’s also God’s will that we learn how to possess our body rather than for our body to possess us. He wants us to manage our body in a way that is honorable. Marriage, Hebrews 13 says, is honorable and the marriage bed is undefiled. God wants us to operate at an honorable level – sex in marriage – not as infidels – like dogs mating with multiple partners.
Let’s revisit this idea of “abstaining from sexual immorality.” Too often the discussions about appropriate physical contact roll around to different types of hand-holding, kissing with lips or tongue, where hands can be placed and still be OK, what type of hugging is appropriate, and so on. Rather than thinking about a “line” that is not to be crossed, why not think about a “direction to be pursued.” Let me illustrate.
Imagine it is picture day and you are wearing white shoes, white socks, white pants and nicely pressed white shirt. As you walk along you notice a large muddy area. Do you ask yourself: “How close can I get to that mud bog without getting mud on me?” No – you do not. You avoid the mud because you want to stay clean. Why not think that way about sexual purity? Rather than asking how far we can go without crossing some imaginary purity line, why not head in the DIRECTION of purity – avoiding those opportunities to get dirty in the first place.
How about a practical policy and procedure too? How should we relate to people and touch people we are not married to. Paul answers this in 1 Timothy 5:1, “Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.
So there you have it. If you are a male – relate to all the females in your life as you would a sister or mother. If you are a female – relate to all the males in your life as you would a brother or father. Pardon the bluntness, but we would not (in a healthy situation) kiss our sister with tongue or put our hands on her breasts. Yuck! I hear ya! It is when we cross the line into the bonds of covenant marriage that our sexual contact with the other person is appropriate before God.
Like I said, pardon the blunt statement there, but let me just remind you that the world has no problem talking about it and even showing it. Our youth are inundated every day with a barrage of sexual imagery in movies, TV, music, Internet and advertising. Sex is discussed at school and in the chat rooms – we ought to offer practical advice and a safe place to be honest about it in the church.
Remember that this issue of sexual purity is for our own glory and honor and also God’s. Revelation warns that the sexually immoral will be outside the holy city of God in his coming kingdom. This is not trivial.
